Life Until Death

Someone once told me that death doulas are "in the business of death" and it stayed with me for weeks afterward. I thought and thought about it. And here's the thing: I disagree entirely.

Death doula, end-of-life doula, whatever you call us - the assumption is that we live and breathe death and (many assume) morbid darkness. It just isn't true. I have often said "you're alive until you're dead" - which seems obvious but, for me, is a meditation.

Every fellow doula I've spoken with may have stories filled with sorrow, bleak events, and even strife - all things we come in contact with in our work - but the over-arching feeling of this work is general uplift. We come away from each experience processing pain in its many forms, sure. We also come away feeling honored and humbled, often inspired and always more informed. There is even joy and an abiding love in the work of being a death doula. The reason? We work in people's lives, not their deaths. Death is the inevitable end result of our work, but the purpose of the work is in the lives of our clients and their families.

We are comfortable around death and dying - we speak & educate about death, dying, grief, etc. Certainly we don't shy away from death or the many confronting realities of dying... Our clients are dying, it's true. But dying isn't dead - dying is the process of living your final bit of life. Every bit of it. Death doulas exist in that in-between space, operating to provide ease, comfort, resources, caregiving, and more to a client so that their final days of living are the very best they can be.

So, with utmost sincerity, I submit that we death doulas are not in the business of dying. We are in the business of living to the fullest possible, until the last breath. It is our honor to do so. ~m